Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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