No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
