My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My balls are so social today.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
