ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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