she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no you cant smoke seaweed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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