Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
