How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
