I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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