dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
