Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
