My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
