So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
