Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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