I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
