there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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