don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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