haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
