You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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