the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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