i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
