Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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