I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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