he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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