Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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