it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
