I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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