if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
