whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
