I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
