eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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