I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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