I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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