That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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