Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
