Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
