Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
