My hand turned me down
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
