The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
