I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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