Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
