Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
