Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
