Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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