He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
