there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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