You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
