I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
