I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
