your thong is hanging out like whoa
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
