i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
